Recently I have been doing more soul searching and reaching deep with in myself. Really taking a hard look at Zachy for who he really is. Crazy guy, makes dirty jokes, very spiritual. Blah blah blah, the Shallow list of douche canoery could flow all day long of things I know and like about myself. How ever My mind has been in many places for a while now. Thinking of the what ifs in my life. Looking at the different paths I could have taken or even explored more thoroughly before I decided they weren’t my cup of tea. Like going back to school, like my family has been very insistent on, or finding a great paying job and getting the “luxury items” I keep getting told are needed for a happy life. Yes I spout out that these things are not needed, and I firmly believe that. For I can tell you , YES friend I am happy with my life. However, the fact still remains, sometimes I wonder who I would be IF I had all of these things? Would I still be the me I know exists her and now? Would I be someone different, and still be happy with that person. Would my passions be fulfilled? Like Traveling extensively, and meditating, Drawing and art. Would I still be getting to know the real me or would I still be portraying the person I think I SHOULD be. But, not who I truly am.
Just a Hippie
I am pretty much a free spirited hippie to be honest. My love for traveling goes beyond traveling. My passion for the world around me is so much deeper than a television or a book can portray. I am a Gypsy, a Hippie, a nerd, someone who’s thoughts go deeper than what time my favorite program comes on or how crappy my job is. I am more in touch with nature and the universe and myself than I am with other people. Yes I tend to be out going and Charismatic. But to really be that connected with humanity in the way humanity expects, well is next to obsolete for me. That does not mean I am not connected to humanity, Just not in the way that is expected. Sometimes I wonder what I would be like to be more co dependent on humanity and feel like I owe the world more than I feel. But I cannot imagine that anymore. I know for many that’s a turn off and I cannot apologize for being as close to my true self as I am at the moment I am typing this. Just remember, I do care, just now how you want me to. I also find my attachment to nature, universe and myself is the same as I have for people. However, not being attached to humanity is the way expected of me makes me often feel disconnected. Granted, and admittedly, that is within myself that I feel that, making it my issue and my own expectations of society to accept me for being me. How can I set here and expect people to just understand these things? When They are expecting me to just fit their mold… Truth is I can’t. So I am going to work on not expecting it, just simply living my life and loving everything.
I'm Not Crazy
That’s what I am going to do. I am releasing my expectations of humanity accepting me for my “eccentricities” and expectations of myself at any point fitting this mold of person I am supposed to be. I release the labels I hold that set these expectations in place and I release myself to be who I am. Who I always was, who I always will be and Who I always work towards being. I am and that is what is, what I is.
Some days my hair is nasty, I havent shaved my beard in a long time, Some days I will smell of body odor and travel. Some times I am calm and collected, In thought and out going. Sometimes Dirty jokes will go over my head and other I will make the worst ones possible. Sometimes I will have great ideas and other is wont. Great quotes and bad ones. In the end though, none of this matters . For I am and that is what is it. Plain and Simple