I had made it to Denver, Co. Had lunch with my friend who dropped me off, and relaxed in a Panera. Chatting and trying to rebuild contacts in the area. I got a place to stay since camping is not an option in the area. The place to stay was a test for myself. Gordon was an awesome person we talked for hours. Extremely sweet guy, caring. But his ways are different then mine. He didn’t understand my ways, and to him that made them wrong. Or at least felt that way. We talked a long time, He asked me tons of questions and never quite got anything I was saying. He reminded my of my ex roommate. In the way that there was only one way to do things, and that wasn’t mine. I will admit I became week and started doubting myself. ( This is where it all starts lol)
With this night, this test I became out of balance and began to question all my experiences that I know are real and that had led me to the moment of being right there. I pulled myself out of flow and like we learned in the last blogg… FLOW IS AMAZINGNESS! I allowed my light to dim for a short time, and all seemingly fell apart. My friend found me at the bus station about in tears, It had been a day. Went smoothly and was nice. Nap in a park a little coffee, and 3 dollars for gravy and Biscuits. But the more the day went the more I worried. The more I worried the less things worked out. By the time my friend got me, Money was gone. The place to stay fell through. Worked I had lined up fell through, and the last bus to get me to where my friend lives pulled away as I Stood there. At this Point my plans A, Plan B, Plan C had fell through. I am usually quick on my feet to come up with plan D. This day the only plan D I had was to Cry. What a day!
So After I got to my friends house I talked to my roommate and my mom. Both Helped me get calm. I was finally able to set back and just look at the situation and see nothing went wrong. I was fine, I had a place to stay, and was never just stuck. Also got to do laundry! Thank God! So all in all though I was not having a great day, it wasn’t bad either. All worked out amazingly, and I can truly appreciate the good times I have had so much more. All trips will have their tests, and the low points. But with out these we cannot learn and grow. With out the low points we can’t love the good times more. With out this we can’t become better than we were before. We can all read others stories, and we can take everyone elses advice on how to do things and what to pack, how to plan. We overpack for every little snag and worry about how its going to unfold. Because we all know that there will be those moments. But we cannot love the Whole trip if we are worried about the bad, we can’t learn our own abilities on cooping if we take all the best advice. We can’t truly grow into out selves with out this. So this Epic disaster as I proclaimed to A great man, a great friend, He spoke the truth, I was judging it. I wasn’t ready to see how that could help me.
It got me still, It got me thinking and it got me regrouped refocused and in a state of amazing appreciation! Though at the time I would have given up that day in Denver! That fucking mess, because of my mistakes, my moving to fast blah blah. I wouldn’t trade it now. Less than a week later. I wouldn’t have passed it up. Granted I am still looking to make some money, but I know FOR SURE it will be here. I have learned to doubt my mind doubts God. Doubt brings stuff down. Worry bring the veil over the beauty.
Most would let this bring a trip to a stop, to just go in defeat. I am not, I am moving forward. I have things to see. People to meet, things to learn and teach. This is not over.
Love and Peace