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Monday, May 23, 2011

Co Dependency is a poison

As I Set one of my last days on my sisters back Deck (something I have enjoyed many of the days I’ve been here) and drink my coffee, I look back over the past couple of weeks at the things that has happened. Though event wise this town really has next to nothing going on, the things that has happened to me from talking to people around here have been incredible.  More than incredible, some of the revelations life changing.  A trip I will willingly admit I dreaded Because a typical trip up here frustrated me. Though at some points of this trip I started to lose my cool.  I, instead of letting it effect me negatively, would take a few moments to look at what was irritating me and figure out why it was and what was it that was bothering me on the inside.  Been able to let go of a lot of things I didn’t even realize I was holding on to. I managed to make much needed money for things I never thought about making money off of. I was able to come closer to people who I honestly didn’t think I would be able to see eye to eye with on things. All in all though I surrounded by more trees per capita than humans and have to drive farther to go get a “quick meal” than I have had to do in years. This stop in North Carolina was perfectly in the flow. It has been perfect, it has allowed me the chance to get back to my roots and truly experience things I have saw recently In meditation ( I will make it a point to blogg them next). I have experienced the child hood that for years I had a negative outlook on (Not due to other peoples actions, but on how I perceived those actions), Able to look at those in a completely neutral point of view and see all the positive from it.  Being ably to fully experience it all in the moment is much more weight lifting than just seeing it in a vision in meditation. Don’t get me wrong without what I saw I would NOT have been able to experience this trip the way I have.

Two weeks ago on Wed. My train came to a halt in High Point, Nc. Where Knowing my family knew I had an hour to wonder the city.  I found the entire situation funny, and without them being late I wouldn’t have had the chance to find this cute little diner down the road and not have gotten to chat with this extremely friendly old couple who asked me if I was running away jokingly. Shows me no matter where I am on my trip there are always the willing to chat with. Admittedly I was slightly nervous to talk to them so didn’t say a whole lot. But its cool to see that I always have people to talk to.

The next day I had dinner with my old friend Charlene.  We decided to get together  to chat and catch up, though as we sat down to eat and have a couple of drinks we came upon the subject of how she was feeling about situations going on in her life and some in her past that she hadn’t let go of. Me being me talked with her about letting go and forgiving herself. Learning to love ones self. Told her about all the things that had happened to me since I left this town. How I had to learn to love myself and other things. The topic went pretty deep, mostly me talking because I’m a blabber mouth lol. Though I truly hope I helped her in some way, talking with her helped me in a great way. Though I am not going to go into details of what we talked about due to the personal nature of most of it I would love to because of the emotional depth I hit at least from it all.  We were riding over to Wal-Mart to find a mirror to talk in to and on the way there is when my help came.  I made a comment about co dependency and letting go of it.  Basically saying that it’s a poison and one has to let go of it to all people and learn to love them in Love and tell them your truth. I realized in that moment what my visit here was. I had been thinking, yeah ill go visit see them before my trip and that’s all. Not knowing until I got in that moment that what I was here for was to remove that co dependency and tell them my truth. Weather they understood or not. With that moment I felt all the things that I needed to say and heard them go through my mind. I still haven’t said them all, but I will. I  need to, for me.

To be continued…

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