Those Dark hallways

Admittedly, Up until my last blog post I was feeling completely stuck and like I have been wasting precious time doing nothing in NC. However, after typing that and reflecting on other things I have learned since I returned to my home town here in NC.  I felt as if I had put myself in situation for no reason other than to feel stuck. Have been feeling like a fool for doing so. In fact, I have realized it takes more for me to stay stationary than the move around and travel. How ridiculous is that?

I have been pressured over and over to get a job, have been ridiculed for being a hippie and called a bum.  Every time I’ve turned around I am being called a witch for having a way with animals and getting anything to grow from nothing.  I have realized how much money it takes to truly get off of the grid… Am I the only one who thinks that is the dumbest thing? It takes a lot of money to be free from money.  And then in this society you’re never truly free from money.  There are still property taxes, and a few odds and ends that you need.  Still haven’t found a suitable toilet paper solution lol.

Anyways, the point being, I have let my fears over whelm my desires. I have become stuck in ways of thought and fear. I have allowed myself to begin to be sucked into other people’s ways of thought of fear of my own ways.   I have lost track of something, and I am not sure what.  I am determined still to have my dreams become my reality, however I have closed many doors to those dreams myself in the recent months passed.  I know that they are still there and waiting for me. But, I am afraid.  For a while I felt like I had lost those dreams to my own fear, I realized after my last blog that they hadn’t gone anywhere. I was learning many lessons here and healing wounds I have caused. 

I saw the hallway I have been standing in light up, it was no longer dark, I could see I was not alone. In fact I can now see all the people in my life and can see their true feelings and desires, not the egoic responses I get. I can see I am being rooted on to take life by the balls and hold on for a wild ride.  And I can see all of those doorways.  My fear showed me the wild ride to be the angry bull I was climbing on, but now I see that it’s not at all! It’s a raft in my river of life. I know there will be bumps and turns, and I know I will fall out in to the rapids on occasion. But my raft buddies, They will never let me drown, picking and teasing me ensue once lives are rescued from the rapids, But it’s in all good fun.

Conscious Community!

Soon I will be heading back out east. Without making it to Shasta. But, that is perfectly fine to me. For I know before this project I am about to talk about I will make it out there! There is something for me at Shasta, but if I were meant to make it out there now, I would make it. So I am cool with it :-). So besides wanting to spend a year living in a Teepee (which will be an awesome experience!) I have realized more of my dreams, things I have dreamed of many times and actually been jealous of when I see other people doing something similar. There Is something called a conscious community.  The idea is of a group of people with similar beliefs and ideas coming together to live self sufficient as possible ( off the land, without money ( close to )) Raising your own food and producing your own energy and your own water. But, with the idea of nature being alive and being conscious of it, of the effect our every action has to the land and of the resources we are using. RE-learning to me grateful for it and taking care of it, giving appreciation and providing it with what I needs to continue to provide for us. 

That's my friends, You're figuring out that I want to be part of this. Not only part of one, I aspire to found one. Get it up and going and attracting the people to it. I have done much research on this and have a million idea for it in my mind. As they come up I write them down. But at times I can barely keep up with myself. Which is nothing unusual for me lol. I already know where I want this to be and its basically built in my mind. I have ideas from water wheels for power and to pump water, to hobbit housing. I have created my own idea for a Compost toilet system to take care of a small community. Really all I need is the okay from the people who own the land at the moment to do such a thing, to build the man power to begin this and to get myself more balanced and more controlled lol. I have built a holding pond in my mind an entire water system. multiple organic houses so on and so on. 

This excited me very much.