Hello.

My mind is enwrapped in many thoughts tonight, my emotions are stable. The silence is peaceful and intoxicating, yet maddening and loud at the same moment. All the seconds seem like minutes and the minutes hours. But when I look down for the time, I can only wonder where it has gone. Where does it go? The conclusion is the light ache from my side or swimming of thoughts through my mind to my eyes. Thoughts of the farm, the work I need to accomplish, my travels (or lack there of), the twin bed that calls my name as it taunts at the fact the single is the state I am meant for now. The peace that brings and the desire for otherwise. A deep sigh, a slight ache and a smile. Time for sleep, Time for meditation. Here is my God, In the fabric of every detail. Hello. 

Attached Cycles will be removed!

I've got some funny things today. Today I have had my mind wrapped around going back east for a while. Completely ignoring the attachment I had to getting there I have been saying for a long time now I am not attached to the outcome to everyone, and for a long time I have not been attached to the outcome of anything. So for me to realize my attachment to this was completely amusing to me. I revealed in this, laugh at this, and could not help but grin from ridiculous amounts of time about this. I had to tell everyone around me. Which got me some funny looks, but that is okay. This moment was amazing to have, I love it. I love the fact that I got to experience it and realize I have been. The feeling is slight annoyance, but a lot of confused thoughts. ( That is because I have a lot on my mind I still need to sort through).So put the two together and you have the average mind. At least what I remember when I used to be like that years ago. Has been ridiculous and awesomeness. Man I love when I get to experience those things.

When one gets to experience moments they don't enjoy so much, it makes the great ones that much more appreciated and memorable. Though I have not removed the attachment, I am learning from it. I know , I know what makes sense is to remove that and move on. However, this way I can learn the ins and outs of it. Learn how I allow the pattern to overcome me and my symptoms of it. Basically through this I can learn to cure this. That way later down the road I wont have it happen, at least sneak up on me haha!

There it is, I have my moments. Though I have learned how to enjoy them rather than be upset with them. I <3 me.

A cluttered Mind is a sign of Satan!

My mind is full, Overly full tonight. There are so many thoughts floating around and much more to sort through.  I feel lost in all of it right now. It feels like I am in an unfamiliar jungle of my own mind. A place I have sorted through and sorted through and put into files and cabinets. Labeled perfectly so I could find what I was looking for. This is another layer of my own mind I have picked through and looked at, played with and was amused by. But now I have plunged head first into the muck. Not sure which way to start going, which direction to submerge  myself to begin ordering. See what i have thrown into this room and left undiscovered for this long.

I am at this moment in a mess in my mind and not very sure what to look for or where to look. I could start tossing things. However, I know in this process if you just toss with out looking you can easily invite it back in without knowing you are. So I must carefully and patiently look through all the leaves and paper with scribbles read whats on the trunks of the jungle trees and see what I have tacked to the sky. I must look at it all and know weather I need it or not. If I plan to hold on to it, how does it fit? Where must this go? What tree did this leaf of scribbles come off of?

Yes, you're reading this all confused and perfectly right if this is the case. For you're imagining a room that is a jungle with a  sky filing cabinets standing open leaves and papers every where, including tacked to the sky. Now add a few more layers of papers and leaves, at least to your neck. Throw in a few animals looking at you neck deep in this mess with a look that says, "Dude, this is a mess... You gonna get to cleaning or are you gonna hang out neck deep in shit?" Haha. This is not a bad place. Actually quite the opposite, this is an amazing place. Overwhelming a bit, but amazing. This means I am another level deeper into myself. Once I am not overwhelmed I will be able to knock through this quickly. I am excited to be here, I am sure I will learn way cool things about me I long since buried down here. A tactic to convince myself it is to difficult to know me. But It wont win! I will get through this :-)