Those Dark hallways

Admittedly, Up until my last blog post I was feeling completely stuck and like I have been wasting precious time doing nothing in NC. However, after typing that and reflecting on other things I have learned since I returned to my home town here in NC.  I felt as if I had put myself in situation for no reason other than to feel stuck. Have been feeling like a fool for doing so. In fact, I have realized it takes more for me to stay stationary than the move around and travel. How ridiculous is that?

I have been pressured over and over to get a job, have been ridiculed for being a hippie and called a bum.  Every time I’ve turned around I am being called a witch for having a way with animals and getting anything to grow from nothing.  I have realized how much money it takes to truly get off of the grid… Am I the only one who thinks that is the dumbest thing? It takes a lot of money to be free from money.  And then in this society you’re never truly free from money.  There are still property taxes, and a few odds and ends that you need.  Still haven’t found a suitable toilet paper solution lol.

Anyways, the point being, I have let my fears over whelm my desires. I have become stuck in ways of thought and fear. I have allowed myself to begin to be sucked into other people’s ways of thought of fear of my own ways.   I have lost track of something, and I am not sure what.  I am determined still to have my dreams become my reality, however I have closed many doors to those dreams myself in the recent months passed.  I know that they are still there and waiting for me. But, I am afraid.  For a while I felt like I had lost those dreams to my own fear, I realized after my last blog that they hadn’t gone anywhere. I was learning many lessons here and healing wounds I have caused. 

I saw the hallway I have been standing in light up, it was no longer dark, I could see I was not alone. In fact I can now see all the people in my life and can see their true feelings and desires, not the egoic responses I get. I can see I am being rooted on to take life by the balls and hold on for a wild ride.  And I can see all of those doorways.  My fear showed me the wild ride to be the angry bull I was climbing on, but now I see that it’s not at all! It’s a raft in my river of life. I know there will be bumps and turns, and I know I will fall out in to the rapids on occasion. But my raft buddies, They will never let me drown, picking and teasing me ensue once lives are rescued from the rapids, But it’s in all good fun.

Stepping into the next chapter with the new season and new month!

It is now the end of September, October rolling in will full force and willingness to bring the beautiful leaves with it. Perfect time to travel cross country. Seeing the scenery all the way across. I am the perfect state of mind to remove more of the clutter in my mind and let it fall away. I am in the mood to travel across country and to see the beauty out east a while. To see family and finally let them in completely. I am also ready to start my new projects while my travels are on hold for a while. There is plenty to keep me occupied a while. Which is perfection. I love it.

I have been putting thought in to the idea of stepping back into life the way in which I was living. But I do not seeing that being possible. Working the way I was, the way I was living. I cant even imagine it. Which is okay, it was not fitting of who I was and this is the season of release. So instead trying to imagine it I am going to release it with love of the knowledge that I know It served me perfectly for what i was supposed to to. I leave it with gratitude and appreciation.  I am stepping into a new chapter of my own life, a new experience. I am excited for it!!

Release of fall!

This is my favorite season! It is so beautiful, the colors and the the brisk autumn air. The Peace that comes with it. The apples and cider, pumpkin pie and the harvesting. the smell It creates is something amazing to me. It makes me feel brand new every time it comes around. I love riding up into the mountains and looking off into the leaves and knowing no matter where I am, I am home in that beauty. It makes me so happy. I love being able to pull out my scarf and coat. Opening the windows and airing every thing out. Halloween! The idea of the worlds ports being open to one another clearly for travel between. And naturally the tons of candy lol.

What I love most of all is fall is for letting go of the old ways that no longer fit who you are. Allowing the release of the old thoughts that pull us backwards. I love to release old habits that do not fit me. This is why ( in my belief) fall most of us had sinus drainage. Stuffy noses and lots of "lung Butter" from our head releasing all these things we have been holding on to in a physical way. I love being able to blow my nose. Each time I know I am getting rid of something I was holding onto inside of me that had the potential to make me more sick if i had held onto it.

So don't be upset when your sinus's are dumping all it's contents, it is all part of the natural release of fall to let go of the old. So that the new and better for you can come in in the spring.