I am not alone

….Continued

In the next couple of days my niece Aly, an Old high school friend who is still very dear to my heart Nikki, and her daughter Peyton (I hope I spelled it correctly) had a picnic.  I packed home made BBQ chicken, rolls, cookie…Basically the whole nine yards for a picnic. We drove up on the Blue ridge park way near where we grew up. If you’ve never been, it is beautiful. We hadn’t really talked much since high school. I had moved away and she was Busy working going to school and raising her daughter. At which she has done an amazing job. Peyton is probably to most well behaved 4 year old I’ve ever talked to.

 Anyways we were catching up and she was telling all the things that had been going on with her and I doing the same.  Come to find out though we were both pretty good at hiding it we were both in a dark place in high school and even after. We had found our reasons to want to be happy and learn to truly live. (something I have worked on for years and been teaching people for years) Though I wished no body would have ever been in the place I was in when I had moved away from North Carolina years ago, I was happy to see that someone who is close to my heart had saw where they were and chose to become better than they were. To Truly LIVE and Love themselves and everyone around them.. If you’re not seeing it yet this is the first step to not only a journey psychologically but spiritually. I loved seeing that she was on her spiritual journey and was happy.  I needed to see this to see though it doesn’t always seem it I am not alone, and I always have someone I can turn to when I am down my self who understands the feeling.  Its always one thing to know these things, but to experience them in their form (whatever form they take for you)
Once my video dropped  ( THANK YOU JUSTIN DESCHAMPS, JULIAN ROBLES WITH MAD LATINO STUDIOS, STEVEN GARRETT FOR THE MUSIC, AND JUSTIN DANIEL DUNCAN FOR THE GRAPHICS) My family began to open up to me. Which was amazing . My dad and I talked about my trip and he finally ( think the first time in my life) talked about emotions. He was excited about my journey and worried. It may not seem like much to you, but for me that was huge. My sister opened up about our past and how she was finally coming to a closure with it all.  On top of things that were bothering her now and I tried to give her help on those. Which shockingly she took some of.  All in all talking with them and them opening up showed me that they were people with problems and they do need to let it out. But to also see it wasn’t for me to help them with. I know I am here for them, but I am NOT here to take care of them. I was able to see it was ok for me to let go of the co dependency I was holding to with them. I allowed myself to be released completely. I am released….. You cant imagine how deep those words hit me. I am released, I am free….